the roman empire evolved. It became the "clay" of the developing country's.
The reason they are the clay of the country's was because they're government and their war tactics, were re-used in other empires. For example the "clay" of their democracy were used and reformed in our country to create our government. A lot of our democracy and our voteing systems and political systems evolved from the roman empire. Also Roman battle tactics have been re developed for use in modern day warfare.
The relation of the roman empire being like clay is because of how it evolved. The roman empire did not evolve into a greater power and more bigger structure. But instead it was used and remolded into a different shape. The Democracy of the U.S., the battle tactics of Asia and the middle east. The philosophical views from the romans that have been spread out into millions of places in modern society, such as the Meditations and Aristotle. It multiplied into different parts and subjects all to be re-used and shaped into creating the culture and structures of many country's to follow the roman empire.
The roman empire did not fall. What had happened was that the other country's became stronger to match the wit and greatness of the roman empire, not because they themselves became better on their own, but because they were learning from the romans. Which made the roman empire not fall and collapse but become more common. Although it did collapse and fall sometimes. Such as when Nero "watched it burn to the ground". But when he did that what he planned to do was to start over. To create a new society for the greatness and benefit of the roman empire.
1. MORE SENTENCES
ReplyDelete2 HORRIBLE THESIS
3. You didnt cite...........
4. BAD
5. FIX Conclusion
6. Not strong enough not quotes
7. CANT USE PERSONAL PRONOUNS
8. You used slang......
9. Needs quotes
10. MORE QUOTES
11. You need to be more proffesional
Your paragraphs were good, but you did not have enough sentences.
ReplyDeleteYour thesis satement was a little unclear, and you did not have an oppsosing opinion in a differnet color like we were supposed to.
You did not have an quotes so you did not have any intext citations....
You did not really analzye as much as you should have.
You did not have a very strong conclusion.
YOu did not put enough emphasis into any paragraph.
You didnt use any first or second pronouns :)
YOu did not use an academic tone.
You generalized a little too much.
You did, however, not have any unnecessary information. All your information (the little that you had) was good.
Your writing was creative, you just need to add more.
Overall, this is a good, rough draft, to your rough draft. If you expand on all of this, add quotes and write a real paper in more than 20 mins, then this will be great :)
This: "Also Roman battle tactics have been re developed for use in modern day warfare." is not a thesis statement. Please go back and follow the 11 point plan; and remember to get your rough drafts in on time so that you get substantial peer review.
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